Kem Rixen
New Member
<div align="center">Chapter 1</div>
Fendrin Mitchell was a good man, he was middle aged, and had brown hair. He...well, character descriptions are boring, traditional, and their only use is to help slow down a dynamic storyline. This story will have neither of those things. All you need to know is whether they are male or female, as stated before, Fendrin, is in fact, male. Truthfully, though, his name wasn't Fendrin Mitchell at all, it was Jim Carlson, but he preferred Fendrin Mitchell as it was a far more interesting name. But that doesn't matter, for our story begins with Fendrin, and his name is one of the last things that you need to concern yourself with.
“Packet of beans, please.” said Fendrin in a half bored, half sort of pleased tone that you use to a cashier at any store.
“That'll be ten fifty.” said the lady. She didn't enjoy her job as a cashier and loved telling people they had to pay more than they were supposed to. She didn't get receive more money in her paycheck from it. She was just a sadistic persons and thought it was funny that nobody ever questioned why the prices on the boxes were different, from the prices that she said. It was probably because she was getting on in her years, that the customers trusted she would be truthful, trust that was obviously misplaced.
Fendrin handed her the money, grabbed the beans and left. He would've complained about the price, but, he didn't really care, he was a lonely man who only went shopping so someone would talk to him. But that's not all that important. What is important was that Fendrin didn't buy beans at all, and what he did accidentally buy was an incredibly good bargain for what he paid. For what was in the box was something so amazing, so magical, so...stupendous, that it's hard to describe in just adjectives.
For inside the box was a painting. One of the most fantastic paintings of all time, and as most fantastic paintings, it was made by the famous artist, Cameron Rosen. It was his most famous painting, and it was created hundreds of years ago. In that year he did two things, well, maybe a few more if you count, eating, drinking, and other important human things, but, historically, he did two major things. One was he created the Rosen clock, a clock that told time by how far away your cow was from your fence. Nobody but him understood it, and as such, his understanding died with it as he was killed by one of the cows when attempting to tell the time. The other important thing he did was create a painting. This painting depicted seven monkeys at a dinner table, it was called 'The last snack sort of after lunch, but not yet dinner, I suppose you could call it, linner.' Not only was this one of the longest titles of any piece of artwork at the time, but it was also incredibly controversial.
How this painting ended up in Fendrin's box of beans is another story altogether, one with fascinating locations, riveting and lightening fast, action packed plots, and one person named The Greg. However, we aren't going to discuss that story. For we are already in the middle of a story about Fendrin and his box of beans that aren't actually beans and, in reality, contain a painting.
When Fendrin got home he filled a bowl full of water and placed it on the stove, this was of course for the beans. The side effect of all the preservatives and pesticides, that was now contained in all foods was that everything had to be boiled before being eaten. Many foods such as cereal didn't taste very good after being boiled, and they have, logically, been removed from the list of foods people eat. The bonuses, however, is that food can now last longer than a person, which has lead to some very interesting scenarios. Such as the will of William Wayne, who left his supply of food to his great nephew, his son, though, believed that the food belonged to him. In the matter of a few weeks the entire country had split over who deserved the food, this then led to the Wayne War which lasted for five years. In the end it turned out that William Wayne had never died and came back to claim his food, which, was of course, still perfectly preserved. Ironically he forgot to boil the food and it killed him.
Fendrin then opened the package of beans He was shocked that when he attempted to pour the beans into the pot that out instead came a rather large painting. The painting splashed into the water, sending it in multiple directions, but oddly enough, not towards Fendrin. This was quite convenient as the water was very hot. For a few moments Fendrin just looked at the painting not knowing what to do. Then he realized that paintings don't do so well in water and quickly pulled it out. Most of the painting was incredibly wet, but Fendrin could still easily recognize it. Before he could do anything else, there was a knock at the door. Without thinking he went over and opened the door, still holding the painting.
“Hello, we are the police, well, not really. I'm a police man, together we're the police force, actually, we're a part of the police force, more of a squadron actually. As a collective I suppose we're the police, but only for this specific town, to say we were the police of the entire country would be silly. For these circumstances, however, you can call us the police.” said a man in a pleasant voice. The police man continued.
“We have come to arrest you for charges of stealing and damaging a very pretty painting, under the Desecration of Paintings Act of 1957. If you'd come with us without resisting, it would be greatly appreciated.”
Fendrin wasn't sure what to say, he was mostly confused, and just stood there. The police man began to speak again, still in a pleasant tone, just not so much as before.
“Sir, are we to believe that you are resisting arrest.”
Fendrin finally gathered together the words for a proper response, though still quite confused.
“Oh, no, I'm just a little puzzled. You see I went to the store to buy some beans and it turns out that it wasn't what I bought at all. It seems that I purchased this painting accidentally. It must have been mislabeled.”
The police man responded a lot less pleasantly than before.
“Sure, I'm supposed to believe you confused a box of beans, for a box with a painting in it. For one, it would be considerably heavier, and secondly it would be a lot larger. Please sir, if you don't come with me right now, myself and my fellow officers will have to take you by force.”
Fendrin decided that it was pointless to argue and went with the officer to the car. Secretly the officer was a bit disappointed, he was hoping he would have to take him by force. Nobody ever let them take people by force and he was hoping for a change. The painting and Fendrin were both placed in the backseat of the police car and rushed to the city jail. Fendrin got one cell, while the painting got another. For, you see, the painting had broken the law as well, while many considered judging inanimate objects by the same laws of humans very silly, they all agreed it was necessary. No one wanted to relive the Mountain Riots of 2012.
Fendrin Mitchell was a good man, he was middle aged, and had brown hair. He...well, character descriptions are boring, traditional, and their only use is to help slow down a dynamic storyline. This story will have neither of those things. All you need to know is whether they are male or female, as stated before, Fendrin, is in fact, male. Truthfully, though, his name wasn't Fendrin Mitchell at all, it was Jim Carlson, but he preferred Fendrin Mitchell as it was a far more interesting name. But that doesn't matter, for our story begins with Fendrin, and his name is one of the last things that you need to concern yourself with.
“Packet of beans, please.” said Fendrin in a half bored, half sort of pleased tone that you use to a cashier at any store.
“That'll be ten fifty.” said the lady. She didn't enjoy her job as a cashier and loved telling people they had to pay more than they were supposed to. She didn't get receive more money in her paycheck from it. She was just a sadistic persons and thought it was funny that nobody ever questioned why the prices on the boxes were different, from the prices that she said. It was probably because she was getting on in her years, that the customers trusted she would be truthful, trust that was obviously misplaced.
Fendrin handed her the money, grabbed the beans and left. He would've complained about the price, but, he didn't really care, he was a lonely man who only went shopping so someone would talk to him. But that's not all that important. What is important was that Fendrin didn't buy beans at all, and what he did accidentally buy was an incredibly good bargain for what he paid. For what was in the box was something so amazing, so magical, so...stupendous, that it's hard to describe in just adjectives.
For inside the box was a painting. One of the most fantastic paintings of all time, and as most fantastic paintings, it was made by the famous artist, Cameron Rosen. It was his most famous painting, and it was created hundreds of years ago. In that year he did two things, well, maybe a few more if you count, eating, drinking, and other important human things, but, historically, he did two major things. One was he created the Rosen clock, a clock that told time by how far away your cow was from your fence. Nobody but him understood it, and as such, his understanding died with it as he was killed by one of the cows when attempting to tell the time. The other important thing he did was create a painting. This painting depicted seven monkeys at a dinner table, it was called 'The last snack sort of after lunch, but not yet dinner, I suppose you could call it, linner.' Not only was this one of the longest titles of any piece of artwork at the time, but it was also incredibly controversial.
How this painting ended up in Fendrin's box of beans is another story altogether, one with fascinating locations, riveting and lightening fast, action packed plots, and one person named The Greg. However, we aren't going to discuss that story. For we are already in the middle of a story about Fendrin and his box of beans that aren't actually beans and, in reality, contain a painting.
When Fendrin got home he filled a bowl full of water and placed it on the stove, this was of course for the beans. The side effect of all the preservatives and pesticides, that was now contained in all foods was that everything had to be boiled before being eaten. Many foods such as cereal didn't taste very good after being boiled, and they have, logically, been removed from the list of foods people eat. The bonuses, however, is that food can now last longer than a person, which has lead to some very interesting scenarios. Such as the will of William Wayne, who left his supply of food to his great nephew, his son, though, believed that the food belonged to him. In the matter of a few weeks the entire country had split over who deserved the food, this then led to the Wayne War which lasted for five years. In the end it turned out that William Wayne had never died and came back to claim his food, which, was of course, still perfectly preserved. Ironically he forgot to boil the food and it killed him.
Fendrin then opened the package of beans He was shocked that when he attempted to pour the beans into the pot that out instead came a rather large painting. The painting splashed into the water, sending it in multiple directions, but oddly enough, not towards Fendrin. This was quite convenient as the water was very hot. For a few moments Fendrin just looked at the painting not knowing what to do. Then he realized that paintings don't do so well in water and quickly pulled it out. Most of the painting was incredibly wet, but Fendrin could still easily recognize it. Before he could do anything else, there was a knock at the door. Without thinking he went over and opened the door, still holding the painting.
“Hello, we are the police, well, not really. I'm a police man, together we're the police force, actually, we're a part of the police force, more of a squadron actually. As a collective I suppose we're the police, but only for this specific town, to say we were the police of the entire country would be silly. For these circumstances, however, you can call us the police.” said a man in a pleasant voice. The police man continued.
“We have come to arrest you for charges of stealing and damaging a very pretty painting, under the Desecration of Paintings Act of 1957. If you'd come with us without resisting, it would be greatly appreciated.”
Fendrin wasn't sure what to say, he was mostly confused, and just stood there. The police man began to speak again, still in a pleasant tone, just not so much as before.
“Sir, are we to believe that you are resisting arrest.”
Fendrin finally gathered together the words for a proper response, though still quite confused.
“Oh, no, I'm just a little puzzled. You see I went to the store to buy some beans and it turns out that it wasn't what I bought at all. It seems that I purchased this painting accidentally. It must have been mislabeled.”
The police man responded a lot less pleasantly than before.
“Sure, I'm supposed to believe you confused a box of beans, for a box with a painting in it. For one, it would be considerably heavier, and secondly it would be a lot larger. Please sir, if you don't come with me right now, myself and my fellow officers will have to take you by force.”
Fendrin decided that it was pointless to argue and went with the officer to the car. Secretly the officer was a bit disappointed, he was hoping he would have to take him by force. Nobody ever let them take people by force and he was hoping for a change. The painting and Fendrin were both placed in the backseat of the police car and rushed to the city jail. Fendrin got one cell, while the painting got another. For, you see, the painting had broken the law as well, while many considered judging inanimate objects by the same laws of humans very silly, they all agreed it was necessary. No one wanted to relive the Mountain Riots of 2012.
