Noir

[BleedsNoMore]

The room was square, dark, and smelled of mildew and concrete. No plaster on the cracking walls, no paint, no bullet holes, not even blood. No, the room was just cold, and dark. It consisted of four concrete walls, a concrete floor and ceiling, a scrubbed wooden table and two chairs, and a bare bulb hanging from above. Add a man in a black suit and tie wearing converse high-tops, and a man bound by rope to a chair, and you have our setting ladies and gentlemen.

"So, Mr. Phurgeson... Who ratted us out on the McGafee raid?"

"I-I dunno! I was in on that raid, you know that. I wouldn't help to bust myself...that's just stupid."

"Heh. Well Ted, you just went from being a wimp to a real wise-ass in one sentence. Sounds to me as if you don't know...what to do? Hmm..."

"Sorry...it's just that im nervous... Landon you know I'm inn-"

"Don't call me Landon. And I don't know much at the moment Ted. I'm your impartial judge, don't push this. Just tell me Phurgee...who done it?"

"Dammit I won't say anything about something I didn't do!"

"Had an awful lot to say before Ted...one. Just tell me, this gun isn't for show."

"God dammit! NO!"

"Two...c'mon Ted, bring that saving grace we call the truth to your lips..."

"I don't know anything you jackass!"

"Tsk tsk tsk, that was just rude...three..."
Landond cocked the pistol and pointed it at Mr. Phurgeson.

"Alright! Alright! It was was Cordinski!"

"Well Ted, that's what we call squealing, and that doesn't show much character. One more word for ya Ted... Do you want to know what it is?"

"Wh-wh-what?"

Bang...
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This story is actually based on a short story I wrote when WC3 Campaigns was still around. Not the best piece of literature in the world, but I myself enjoy the story and don't think it isn't worthy of being posted. So feed back is always appreciated as long as it isn't flaming.Thanks for reading-Bleeds

 

[Fladian]

Wc3 Campaigns is still around, you know? But welcome here anyway.

The story is... uh... short. It's just too short for me to give a real opinion about it, mostly because I only know the dialog. I don't a thing about anything else. Well... except the room and a little bit about the two characters.
Because it is so incredibly short, and there are so little details, it's hard to enjoy the story. I'm not saying that it should be of similar length as If, and only if, but a bit longer than this is good too. Also, considering the fact that it isn't bad (not the way N00byStance thinks with "not bad") could I persuade you to join the Story Contest?

Oh, and don't worry about flaming. Though I'm not completely sure how Undead would act to it, I don't tolerate flaming at all.

 

[BleedsNoMore]

I appreciate the input. As for the story contest, I'll have to think about it. I posted this story because I have some major writer's block lately, otherwise I most deffinetly would have posted something longer and more creative. I'm leaning toward a 'yes', but it depends if I'm even capable of coming up with something worthwhile :/ I'll think about it tomorrow in school, cause usually my thoughts consist of things like, "I wonder what that person is thinking..." and I could deffinetly do with something more interesting than that for a change.

 

[Undead_Lives]

I have a big problem with flaming. Don't tolerate it all, just like Flad.
As for the story..
Too short, as Flad said, but not bad nonetheless. Descriptions of more important things (ie the characters not the room) would be nice.
I definitely would love another participant in the contest :yay:

 

[Fladian]

A major writer's block, eh? Well, that makes two of us. Though I think the difference between our writer's block is that I know what caused it, and when it will... disappear.
Well, you could always post something that you've made before you got a writer's block, if you have any, of course. Some stories out here in this section are mine, as you may have noticed, a few of them were posted while I was suffering of a writer's block as well. If I remember right and am not mistaking, 'Ahoy mate,' was an attempt to write while having a writer's block. I wrote in a style I don't like to write in personally and it didn't really come out well. You could always give a similar try for that.

As for how you described your thoughts at school, I tend to be the same from time to time. It's that I haven't been in school for a while now, so I can't confirm it lately. But if you are able to write about something like that, then I am heavily interested in reading it. As most people here on the forum know, I often focus on writing a story where nothing in particular happens. I'll just let the story go with the flow. The best example of my writing like that is the first part of 'Rick wake up,' the second part was a bit forced. But like I said, I can't deny requests like that.

A funny time you decided to post that post, now I look at it. It was the exact time I left my room to go downstairs to prepare my lunch for work. Exactly fifteen minutes after it, I left for work. If you posted a minute earlier, I probably would've replied earlier.

 

[Hunter_destruction]

Yes this story is rather short. And I REALLY suggest entering. It ends May 21 though, but if you can write a nice quick story that will be great! (Just a little longer than this one)

It was ok eitherway though!
:infernal:

 

[Undead_Lives]

The deadline might be pushed back if enought people request it...

 

[Fladian]

There is only one person who asks for it to be extend though. I don't really mind too much about it. Though it would work in the benefit of me, it isn't really necessary.
Chances don't look too good in that view.

 

[BleedsNoMore]

Well, I've come up with a story for the contest. But I have one question, upon reading the rules for the contest, I noted that it says 'Story cannot have been posted on the forum before.' Now the story I'm going to do isn't, and never has been on the forums, (Unless someone read my mind and stole my idea :/) But, the story I wish to enter is the Prologue to a much longer story I am going to post here. I just want to make sure I won't get disqualified because both stories are on the forum at the same time. Sooo, is it alright if I do that?

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, the name of the whole story is 'Diabolus Causidicus' (The Devil's Advocate), and the name of the prologue is 'A Twilight Council'.

 

[Rebel-Turret]

Hmmm >>>> -[bApproved!]

 

[Undead_Lives]

Solve all problems and post the longer part AFTER the contest?
But yes the prologue will be accepted although I HIGHLY recommend that you post the rest of the story after the contest. Might be a bit of a spoiler otherwise

 

[BleedsNoMore]

Good thinking Watson! Sorry couldn't help myself mate, he he. Anyway, I will post the story after the contest, but if for some reason I become so incredibly bored I decide to post the story before the contest ends, I will post the prologue along with the story, as not to ruin anything. But like I said, I probably won't so no worries! Anyways I appreciate all the input as well as contest info, keep it comin guys -Bleeds

 

[Fladian]

You aren't the only one who is doing only the prologue, BleedsNoMore. If we'd forbid it for you, we have to forbid it for others as well, which is not very likely to do.

Sorry to say it, but you don't have too much time to write. But then again, I don't got much time left either...

 

[Hunter_destruction]

I'm going to washington D.C on thursday so I'll have lots of time as well. I need to wrap up my story fast! (but not too fast, that'll ruin it!)