Dear Kayla,
today was a hard day. Major Edison Reeb (aka. Major Beer) gave us the orders that we had to walk towards the bridge. Look, Kayla, my love, in a normal situation it would be a few minutes walk, just like our stroll through the park in front of our apartment. That reminds me, you do walk Leonardo, our dog, often enough, right? I'd hate to come home with a yellow or brown carpet. Even though it would be an improvement; the pink carpet produces several nasty dreams late at night.
I feel like I have to apologize to you that I didn't send a letter to you last week. We were camping in a nearby pub and Elmo and James threw me in a barrel that was filled with beer. It took me almost an hour to get out of it; if I didn't get out much sooner, I considerd to drink the beer inside of the barrel so I could climb out. The fact that Ron Bobson (aka. Fatass!) was thrown in the big beer barrel after me didn't really help. Suddenly it reminds me a bit of home, when we're in bed and you're on top of me. You are lighter than him though. But when I finally got out of the barrel, I really didn't have any energy left to go and write you a letter. Truth to be known, I also had quite a headache when I got out of a barrel and it someone even said that I reeked. Trust me, he regrets it now; now that his hair have a similar color as our carpet.
Oh, come to think of it, on the end of the day, right before I went to bed, we made a group picture. I wanted to send you the picture together with this letter, but I already closed the envelop before I could put it in.
A few days ago we met a German soldier while we were marching towards the bridge. Because we were planning of setting up camp anyway, we decided we'd let him join us. He even taught us a few German words. Some of my buddies asked him to translate a few English lines for their girls, therefore, so did I.
You're my cute little schweinhund, aren't you? I didn't really get what Major Edison meant with 'schwein' meaning something like a 'swine' though.
I also showed a picture of you to that German soldier. He said that I sure was lucky to be with someone so great. I don't really know what he meant with that you had to shave though. I mean, you were wearing clothes on that photo. It must be something German, or he's just jealous.
I don't know if you followed the weather report's back home, but it hasn't rained here for days now and some of us are desperate for a little natural water, even if it is mostly to wash the mud from our clothes, or the smell from previous nights. Staying a night with a girl or a pig, they both leave an unpleasant smell the next day. Oh, while I'm at it, could you send me a few new sets of underwear at the next address I can give you? I only have a few pink undergarments left that I got as a souvenir at a few people's room. The people in this city sure like soldiers. But I find it remarkable that I leave every city with less money even though I only spend my money on food.
I'm afraid I have something to confess to you though. Last week, in the pub, I had a rough night with one of the waitresses in the pub. She really had a thing for me, it seemed. Elmo and James were really jealous when they saw me walking upstairs to a room. I attempted to stop her when I said that I already have you as my girlfriend but she completely ignored that. Claudine, the waitress' name, and I had a really amazing night. She tried all kind of stuff we never did at home. She even managed to do something where we need the dog's help for. By the I woke up, she already disappeared and I felt really bad about it, but I my sore ass was something I felt even more. I never understood why my ass was so sore either, but Ron and Edison can't stop laughing about something when they see me.
But back to the present, Major Edison has given us the orders to get to the bridge. It means that we are nearing our goal, but we also already met several hostile encounters. As a matter of fact, we have been shot at several times. James and I have been the main target last time and James has had a few direct hits. He even got shot right between his eyes once. Oh, but you don't need to worry about James though. He doesn't get angry quickly and he told me that he used to play with toy guns too when he was young.
Regardless, tomorrow will be an important day. If we walk a little more behind the bridge, we'll be officially surrounded by the enemy. Luckily we are near a river and all of us (except Ron) can swim pretty fast. So you don't need to worry Elmo, James and me. If it gets really dangerous and the enemy is nearing we just jump in the river and swim back home. We'll be home in no time at all if we do that, which I am sure we will.
So until I get the chance to write another letter, take good care of Leonardo. I'll try to send another letter as soon as possible.
Love and kisses,
Leonardo Jr.
today was a hard day. Major Edison Reeb (aka. Major Beer) gave us the orders that we had to walk towards the bridge. Look, Kayla, my love, in a normal situation it would be a few minutes walk, just like our stroll through the park in front of our apartment. That reminds me, you do walk Leonardo, our dog, often enough, right? I'd hate to come home with a yellow or brown carpet. Even though it would be an improvement; the pink carpet produces several nasty dreams late at night.
I feel like I have to apologize to you that I didn't send a letter to you last week. We were camping in a nearby pub and Elmo and James threw me in a barrel that was filled with beer. It took me almost an hour to get out of it; if I didn't get out much sooner, I considerd to drink the beer inside of the barrel so I could climb out. The fact that Ron Bobson (aka. Fatass!) was thrown in the big beer barrel after me didn't really help. Suddenly it reminds me a bit of home, when we're in bed and you're on top of me. You are lighter than him though. But when I finally got out of the barrel, I really didn't have any energy left to go and write you a letter. Truth to be known, I also had quite a headache when I got out of a barrel and it someone even said that I reeked. Trust me, he regrets it now; now that his hair have a similar color as our carpet.
Oh, come to think of it, on the end of the day, right before I went to bed, we made a group picture. I wanted to send you the picture together with this letter, but I already closed the envelop before I could put it in.
A few days ago we met a German soldier while we were marching towards the bridge. Because we were planning of setting up camp anyway, we decided we'd let him join us. He even taught us a few German words. Some of my buddies asked him to translate a few English lines for their girls, therefore, so did I.
You're my cute little schweinhund, aren't you? I didn't really get what Major Edison meant with 'schwein' meaning something like a 'swine' though.
I also showed a picture of you to that German soldier. He said that I sure was lucky to be with someone so great. I don't really know what he meant with that you had to shave though. I mean, you were wearing clothes on that photo. It must be something German, or he's just jealous.
I don't know if you followed the weather report's back home, but it hasn't rained here for days now and some of us are desperate for a little natural water, even if it is mostly to wash the mud from our clothes, or the smell from previous nights. Staying a night with a girl or a pig, they both leave an unpleasant smell the next day. Oh, while I'm at it, could you send me a few new sets of underwear at the next address I can give you? I only have a few pink undergarments left that I got as a souvenir at a few people's room. The people in this city sure like soldiers. But I find it remarkable that I leave every city with less money even though I only spend my money on food.
I'm afraid I have something to confess to you though. Last week, in the pub, I had a rough night with one of the waitresses in the pub. She really had a thing for me, it seemed. Elmo and James were really jealous when they saw me walking upstairs to a room. I attempted to stop her when I said that I already have you as my girlfriend but she completely ignored that. Claudine, the waitress' name, and I had a really amazing night. She tried all kind of stuff we never did at home. She even managed to do something where we need the dog's help for. By the I woke up, she already disappeared and I felt really bad about it, but I my sore ass was something I felt even more. I never understood why my ass was so sore either, but Ron and Edison can't stop laughing about something when they see me.
But back to the present, Major Edison has given us the orders to get to the bridge. It means that we are nearing our goal, but we also already met several hostile encounters. As a matter of fact, we have been shot at several times. James and I have been the main target last time and James has had a few direct hits. He even got shot right between his eyes once. Oh, but you don't need to worry about James though. He doesn't get angry quickly and he told me that he used to play with toy guns too when he was young.
Regardless, tomorrow will be an important day. If we walk a little more behind the bridge, we'll be officially surrounded by the enemy. Luckily we are near a river and all of us (except Ron) can swim pretty fast. So you don't need to worry Elmo, James and me. If it gets really dangerous and the enemy is nearing we just jump in the river and swim back home. We'll be home in no time at all if we do that, which I am sure we will.
So until I get the chance to write another letter, take good care of Leonardo. I'll try to send another letter as soon as possible.
Love and kisses,
Leonardo Jr.
maybe a little.... strange in some parts and not very realistic i guess. Who the hell tells his gf that he has been cheating on her with another guy?