TonyMontana135420
New Member
and btw the answer you gave was pretty funny too....homo
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Joke Corner
- Thread starter eggs
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blze said:you speaky tha engrish? knock knock.
Who's there?
Mom's Son said:blze said:you speaky tha engrish? knock knock.
Who's there?
DEEZ NUTZ !!!!!!!
DeathCorpse
New Member
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
MeanMugginFool
New Member
If you do crush Dilla, we want a demo DC. Also surprised the sexist police haven't busted in after that sink comment, the alarm could have been me laughing my motherfuckin ass off!
DeathCorpse said:Why do women have smaller feet than men?
Cause womens shoes are made smaller????
A few random ones I've collected......talk about fuckin bored......
A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. "235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of shit behind.
The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the shit is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."
So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"
And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What has 148 teeth and can hold back the incredible hulk?
My zipper you homos
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was having an affair with a married woman. When her husband had gone to work, her secret lover came 'round. Just as they got down to business, the door bell went. The woman went and peered out of the curtains to see who it was.
"Oh no, it's my husband, he must have forgotten something."
The woman went downstairs, and the man jumped out of the window before he was seen. He was totally starkers, so hid behind a bush. About an hour later, a nudist group ran by, doing a marathon. He quickly jumped up, and joined them.
After a while, he got talking to one of them, "So how long have you been a nudist?" a man asked him.
"Not long" he replied "what about that?" the other man said to him, pointing to the condom the man was wearing.
"Oh, it was raining when I came out" the man replied.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought ''how weird.''
A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders.
As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. ''What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?''
The blonde looked up at the man and said, ''Well, you see, there's this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, 'You've got mail,' but when I come out here to check, I don't have any.''
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A rather inhibited computer software engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the “craziest†thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island.
Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope and for hours on end and sat under the same palm tree. One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appeared.
“I'm from the other side of the island,†she said. “Were you on the cruise ship, too?â€
“Yes, I was,†he answered. “But where did you get that rowboat?â€
“Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from palm branches, and made the keel and stern from a Eucalyptus tree.â€
“But, what did you use for tools?†asked the man, amazed.
“There was a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on the south side of the island. I discovered that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how I got the tools. But, enough of that,†she said. “Where have you been living all this time? I don't see any shelter.â€
“To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the beach,†he said.
“Would you like to come to my place?†the woman asked. The engineer nodded dumbly. She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island, and tied up the boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat back splice. They walked up a winding stone walk she had laid and around a Palm tree. There stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
“It's not much, but I call it home.†Inside, she said, “Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?â€
“No, thanks,†said the man. “One more coconut juice and I'll throw up!â€
“It won't be coconut juice,†the woman replied. “I have a crude still out back, so we can have authentic Pina Coladas.â€
Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged stories, the woman asked, “Tell me, have you always had a beard?â€
“No,†the man replied, “I was clean shaven all of my life until I ended up on this island.â€
“Well if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet.â€
The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device honed razor sharp. Next he showered -- not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she managed to get warm water into the bathroom -- and went back downstairs. He couldn't help but admire the masterfully carved banister as he walked.
“You look great,†said the woman. “I think I'll go up and slip into something more comfortable.â€
As she did, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman, smelling faintly of gardenias, returned wearing a revealing gown fashioned out of pounded palm fronds.
“Tell me,†she asked, “We've both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Haven't you been lonely, too... isn't there something that you really, really miss? Something that all men and woman need? Something that would be really nice to have right now...?â€
“Yes there is,†the man replied, shucking off his shyness. “There is something I've wanted to do for so long. But on this island all alone, it was just... well, it was impossible.â€
“Well, it's not impossible, anymore,†the woman said.
The man,practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly: “You mean... you actually figured out some way we can CHECK OUR EMAIL HERE?!â€
A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. "235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of shit behind.
The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the shit is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."
So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"
And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What has 148 teeth and can hold back the incredible hulk?
My zipper you homos
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was having an affair with a married woman. When her husband had gone to work, her secret lover came 'round. Just as they got down to business, the door bell went. The woman went and peered out of the curtains to see who it was.
"Oh no, it's my husband, he must have forgotten something."
The woman went downstairs, and the man jumped out of the window before he was seen. He was totally starkers, so hid behind a bush. About an hour later, a nudist group ran by, doing a marathon. He quickly jumped up, and joined them.
After a while, he got talking to one of them, "So how long have you been a nudist?" a man asked him.
"Not long" he replied "what about that?" the other man said to him, pointing to the condom the man was wearing.
"Oh, it was raining when I came out" the man replied.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought ''how weird.''
A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders.
As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. ''What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?''
The blonde looked up at the man and said, ''Well, you see, there's this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, 'You've got mail,' but when I come out here to check, I don't have any.''
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A rather inhibited computer software engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the “craziest†thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island.
Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope and for hours on end and sat under the same palm tree. One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appeared.
“I'm from the other side of the island,†she said. “Were you on the cruise ship, too?â€
“Yes, I was,†he answered. “But where did you get that rowboat?â€
“Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from palm branches, and made the keel and stern from a Eucalyptus tree.â€
“But, what did you use for tools?†asked the man, amazed.
“There was a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on the south side of the island. I discovered that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how I got the tools. But, enough of that,†she said. “Where have you been living all this time? I don't see any shelter.â€
“To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the beach,†he said.
“Would you like to come to my place?†the woman asked. The engineer nodded dumbly. She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island, and tied up the boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat back splice. They walked up a winding stone walk she had laid and around a Palm tree. There stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
“It's not much, but I call it home.†Inside, she said, “Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?â€
“No, thanks,†said the man. “One more coconut juice and I'll throw up!â€
“It won't be coconut juice,†the woman replied. “I have a crude still out back, so we can have authentic Pina Coladas.â€
Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged stories, the woman asked, “Tell me, have you always had a beard?â€
“No,†the man replied, “I was clean shaven all of my life until I ended up on this island.â€
“Well if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet.â€
The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device honed razor sharp. Next he showered -- not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she managed to get warm water into the bathroom -- and went back downstairs. He couldn't help but admire the masterfully carved banister as he walked.
“You look great,†said the woman. “I think I'll go up and slip into something more comfortable.â€
As she did, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman, smelling faintly of gardenias, returned wearing a revealing gown fashioned out of pounded palm fronds.
“Tell me,†she asked, “We've both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Haven't you been lonely, too... isn't there something that you really, really miss? Something that all men and woman need? Something that would be really nice to have right now...?â€
“Yes there is,†the man replied, shucking off his shyness. “There is something I've wanted to do for so long. But on this island all alone, it was just... well, it was impossible.â€
“Well, it's not impossible, anymore,†the woman said.
The man,practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly: “You mean... you actually figured out some way we can CHECK OUR EMAIL HERE?!â€
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imported_SuXoR
New Member
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."
ha ha
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