EDIT: Quotes aren't working. I made it bold.
Ha ha, I actually have thought so of many people. But there are those whose opinion I care about.... sometimes...
There are people I care about, and how they would feel regarding what I do. I can guarantee you that I
never made a 'move' (or flirted) with/on the girl I like while being among other classmates. Because of a lack of time, I
did give her a quick 'good-luck' kiss while being around two former classmates, but I don't think they noticed much of it. If it would bother some others around me, I would never do anything... at least, as long as they are around.
However, I must admit that I didn't keep myself completely to what I just said. Just yesterday, Erik, argumentable my best friend at school, asked me why I didn't "want to go zwu with him," ('zwu' hours are lessons I have to fill in myself) after hesitating a bit. At that moment, I told him that "I'll go with him to the zwu,
depending on what the others are going to do." In the end, they went home, therefore, so did I. He asked me on MSN why I didn't go with him. When I asked him why he asked, he answered in all honestly with: "I thought you were going for the girls..."
In truth, he
was right. But it's for the best if I didn't tell him that - nor anyone other in my class.
I have this "lady" friend who was like my best friend ever since I moved here, but she recently came out and said I didn't have a chance with the girl I liked. At first, I let that discourage me, and I almost gave up. But then I woke up one morning and realized, "I don't have to take that crap!"
If she knows that girl better than you, then it might be useful to heed her words. Then there might be something about you which she (the girl you like, red.) probably wouldn't like. Possibly not referring to the 'loner' type of personality, but to something else instead. You might want to look in that, though I stick to my opinion that you shouldn't change (if you don't want to, that is) just for someone.
As for myself, yes, I did change for someone. When I messed something up, I was full of confidence and motivation to change into a person that wouldn't have trouble with something like that - which I am now. But even though I changed my personality for a girl in specific, later I learned that I was doing it for myself instead. When I look back to how I used to be, I'd hate myself, though truth to be known, I still hate myself.
I'm quite an asshole, after all.
As much as I value her opinion (on some subjects, anyway), I think she bases such things off of limited evidence. She's only really ever seen my "loner" side, and has only barely glimpsed my more outgoing side.
If she truly is your "best friend," then she is able to see more of you than your loner side, even if you didn't show that to her. You must know the saying, 'friends don't need words to understand each other,' or something like that. I experienced that (especially) during my second year of high school, when I made some
real friends (the people I still hang out with, red.). Just by looking at each other, we knew exactly what to do, what to say or until what extend we could do something. We still can, mind you, despite only seeing each other a few times every three months.
In opposite of my memory (and my eyes, which I still want tested), I have a very good hearing. Much better than the average person - and it annoys me more than I like it. This usually results in the fact that I know what people mean because I heard it earlier, but ignored it. However, just being good friends with each other (really good friends), are usually able to figure out the personality of someone (completely) even when that person doesn't tell anything.
*sigh*, how true that is. I actually have had to put up with quite a few of guys like that. For example, I knew this one kid who was totally nice to her (probably acted a little TOO charming, which I don't think she was very comfortable with), but then he later found out that I liked her, and up and says in my face, "Dude, she totally likes me more than you."
As with my friend, I just thought, "Whatever, I don't give a crap about what you think!" I was tempted to say that in his face, but I didn't want to sink to his level, so I just rolled my eyes and said, "Whatever," and walked off.
Sounds like quite an immature guy... pretty much similar to another guy I know... unfortunately. "If I could give him an award, I'd definitely give him the award of being the most annoying guy ever," as I said to a friend at school. I've tried to explain it to another classmate how annoying he was... but I failed quite badly in it. I remained stuck after: "He's just plain annoying... and to make matters worse, he and I have a rivalty towards each other."
It is ironic though. He and I were aiming for the same girl and we did just about everything to crush each other as a result. He was a lot more harsher than me in some ways, and that's why he finally lost. When the end of the year was approaching, I joked to a friend or two: "Who do you think will be more successful at a girl? A player, or someone like me?" Eventually, I was chosen above him... and still am.
Regardless, when someone like that says something about that, you should just completely ignore it. Such thigns are usually done to fill himself with confidence, which is quite logical.
And then there's always the times at things like parties and such, she just gets totally surrounded by tons of friends. I, being one who prefers smaller groups, rarely get a chance to talk with her on those occasions...
The girl I like has (clearly) more friends than I have, which I'm not too surprised about either, knowing her personality and the one of my own from the past.
In parties such things usually happen though. When someone is spontaneous in a positive way, something like that is often the result.
I have no real preferrence to any size of groups of people I hang out with. I learned recently that I have no real trouble with being with a lot of familiar people or small groups. Depends a bit on my mood and the purpose, I guess. I'm not sure about her, but I think she prefers large groups. She's a type of person for that.
Yeah, well, I guess its just that I've been put down too many times, and I'm really worried that it'll happen again.
A rejection straight in the face is pretty painful. I found it out in a subtle way though. I can't possibly imagine how a really good friend of mine should have felt. Would you ask me, are you picky at girls only two or three years ago, I would have given a definite 'no.' I'd probably give an answer which is something like: 'I'd be happy with anyone who would come to my side,' or at least, that's what I would have said before I became what I am now - including being an asshole. I never kept my word on that.
Regardless, something like that shouldn't really stop you. If she doesn't like you, it's (probably) for a reason. If it's a bad reason, then you might want to consider if you really want to continue what you are doing. ("If she allows you to do all that... are you sure she's the right one?" - Sandhia)
Most of my crushes have ended rather badly ever since I was.... 13? maybe it was 14... can't remember. But anyway, back then, I was a lot "nerdier" than I am now, and thus, none of those girls didn't really like me... in fact, most thought I was really annoying.
If that has changed, then... well, then, just.
Last thursday I talked with a (girl)friend of mine who attended to the same high school as me. I showed her some old school photo's of me and my classes. She knew several people from those photo's ("Hey, that's Jesse. Oh! And that's Josephine!" "Wow! You really changed! I mean, is that really you?") and knew some better than I did. My first crush (ever) was a girl she knew as well. As a matter of fact, she has been classmates with her for two years. I was shocked to hear that she became the 'loser of the class' in their senior year and that she has a baby right now. Last time I talked to her - three years ago - she didn't even have a boyfriend anymore. When I look back on it, I'm happy that I never tried on anything on her. She really wasn't my type... but I'll never forget her.
"Erwin! What are you doing here?!"
*glares coldly at her*
"I live here."
"Oh."
But now I've gotten so far with this particular girl, and I'm just dreading the moment when it falls apart. Although, I do keep reminding myself that the last thing she would do is hurt someones feelings by telling them to leave her alone, which most of the other girls pretty much did.
Again, I am familiar with that feeling. I am terrified of anything happening between some people and myself. Two months of time was the amount of time I used to discuss of doing some stuff to the girl I liked. The three possible results are very obvious for her, but I had a hard time imagining the most positive one - which in the end, didn't happen.
But if she is as spontaneous (this word really is a lot easier in my native language
) as you say, then I am pretty confident in saying that she won't 'hurt your feelings.' Do mind hints though. Rinaldo and Pim (all two former classmates of mine) clearly didn't understand mine...
Do ask yourself the question: 'Why would she want to hurt your feelings?' The girl I currently like is fully aware that I like her - if not, then she is worse in taking a hint than Pim and Rinaldo combined and extremely naive - but despite that she has a boyfriend, she never made a sign of trying to avoid me. But that's what we're friends for, I guess. She also knows that I know (confusing, eh?
) that I don't stand a chance on her. But oh well... life's tough. =P
I did bump into her at school today, at which point I asked her how the fashion show went and apologizing for not going. As always, she just said it was okay as if it wasn't a big deal.
That's part of such a personality, which is logical if you give it a little thought. Probably one of the reasons too why you'd like her.
If it was me apologizing, I'd probably shrug it off too quite quickly. But after leaving her pressence, I'd apologize once more. Usually such things are appreciated. ^^ But that's just me too. My apologies are usually not very serious anyway... ("If there is something I hate, then it is apologizing for real.")
She's so good at shrugging things off. It makes me feel kinda guilty, really, because she makes me realize how stubborn I am. Everytime someone wrongs me in some way, I usually hold a grudge against them for the next month or so.... in certain cases, it lasts a lot longer.
I have one
extremely bad part in my personality - which I will not share on any forum, though it should be possible to figure it out - which is a (little) bit similar to what you mentioned. Or at least, the cause of it. Though my grudges to people don't usually appear quickly in a bad state. But when I really hold a grudge to someone (Rinaldo and my father, red.), something like that doesn't disappear easily, if it ever does.
"When I heard you like that, I was wondering. Who was the stubborn one again? Sandhia or you."
But she, on the other hand, just thinks nothing of it. Like this one time, I asked her on a date, but it ended up being cancelled because the people originally planning the date totally screwed everything up. I would have been devastated if she was the one who asked me, and she ended up cancelling it. But she just said, "Oh.... well, maybe some other time?"
I can relate to that. I'm usually crushed by such things, but I don't really show any sign of it either. A quick "okay," or "sure" is usually all the reaction you'd get from me. But it's no secret that I'm emotionally weaker than I am mentally. ^^
Hmmm... maybe she's suddenly shy... hope everything turns out okay.
No, she was probably just very tired. Whatever it was, I had another talk with her today and finally able to give her her present.
She finally got her car license (after failing two or three times, I'm not sure) last monday afternoon. I've immediately sent her a quick sms to congratulate her - and a few minutes afterwards receiving a little thanks. The next day I pushed her during ICT-class, congratulating her again, which really wasn't a fine day at all. It happens once in a while that's she's really tired and is a bit... calm because of that. I'm guessing that was the case too, but I'm not really worried about it.
Today I had to be at school during my first period (therefore a late reply to this
) because I had a meeting with a specific teacher. The meeting went fine and I met a (girl)friend of mine downstairs and had a little chat with her ("I really miss Mr. Schieven." "Yeah, despite being very strict, he really knew how to teach"). During our chat, I saw
her walking downstairs, to the study-rooms. I ended our conversation only a few minutes afterwards to follow her there. The moment I entered, I was immediately looking for her, but because I didn't recognize her straight away, I went to a guy from my project-group, to have a little chat with him. On my way to him, I saw her sitting and she waved at me, and I in return.
I talked a little while with the guy, mostly about the assignments we had to make - and how much fun we are going to have; project-days are for some reason always hilarious for us - but eventually I left for the girl. Right before I entered the study-rooms, I placed the present I got her in my pocket.
Now get this straight. If anyone is used about my strange habits of doing things, then it is definitely she. From all people, she really isn't surprised anymore if I pop out of nowhere again at a place you'd never expect me, doing thing that are really off the scale normally and setting limits far differently than others do. She is also used to receiving some presents from me. When I still picked her up from work, I sometimes bought a (variation of) candy bar for her or something similar. Usually quite minor stuff of no real importance - she bought me dinner once though - and never worth more than about $1. This time it was a little different. This one was a bit more expensive... and more cute.
I greeted her with my usual greet when I'm at school: "Morguh." (free translated to: Mornin')
We got in a little conversation, like we usually do. Until I finally got to my point... and pretty much the reason why I wanted to talk to her alone. "I never really congratulated you, did I?" I asked, kissing her on the cheek. While she was facing me, I placed the present on her desk with my hand, going around her. When she looked back, she instantly turned happy and kissed me back. I guess that was the start of a good day. ^^
The day further at school was next to great. But I mentioned that earlier with a project-day. Despite that everyone is blaiming me for a power failure near the end of the day ("If it was a joke, it was a great one. I laughed so hard that I
wished I had caused the power failure... but I didn't." "Seriously. It wasn't me!"). The type of humor you'd get when Franklin, Martijn and I are combined is truly a big one and nearly unavoidable. I really hope that all project-days will go like this. Being one of the best groups at the school and yet having such a load of fun is something I'd wish for at all times.
Also, because of an argument between Franklin, Martijn, someone else and myself I suddenly realized that this study course is really the thing I have been searching for, for all those years I've been in school. This is the thing I love to study. With people like Erik, Elianne and the others around me, I suddenly love school again more than I ever did before.
By the way, Fladian, have I ever mentioned before that your posts really help me think things out a lot better?
Could be. My memory isn't the greatest. But it's good to hear that they're useful. ^^
All in all, I love posting like this. But then again, it's one of my most favorite subjects. =) I am
always free to talk about such.
You should be like a psychologist or something, lol.
Rather not. Doesn't really sound like something for me, nor could I live with the pressure. I live on stress and I have a habit of butting in on others' problems. The butting in resulted in loads of problems for me and a few threats, which I am not really proud of. But as long as I help people, it is always worth it.
Anyways school's going ok for me, except for Spanish, which is where I lose brain cells. I never knew that most stupid people took Spanish >.>
Gee... thanks. -_- I follow Spanish class too. I must admit that I really have a hard time with it. But I enjoy the classes, it's a lot of fun, except that my teacher keeps calling me Timo for some kind of reason. =\
Spanish is further a fun class. But I've never had Spanish in my life before, and it is one of the many languages I don't speak much of. But I don't mind learning it. However, it is not on my list of languages I am very eager to learn (those are: English, German, Dutch and Frisian). Eitherway, I am still not disappointed in my choice of languages (English and Spanish), knowing that I could only choose between German, English, Spanish and Frenc... uh... Spanish.
Other than that, I've learned the value of doing homework at school. Especially since I have to walk home.
That's what I use my zwu hours for... I have to make at least 12 a week, and I have an average of 4 a week. Yet I still don't have any homework left. ("It has been at least six years ago since I made my English homework... why break the tradition?") As for other homework... well, let me put it this way of all the classes I have:
Orientation: Well, as long as Wagener is still quite... uh... 'confused,' I don't think I have any trouble with that homework.
Laws: Well, I also have Wagener for that...
Dutch: my Dutch class is currently still occupied with a project. So it has no homework.
English: I mentioned this one before.
ICT1: I have my diploma for ICT for three years already and some of the people in my class already have it longer. I'm not sure why I have to follow that class again.
Spanish: I've explained this one before.
And those are all my classes (excluding project-day, which is a day-event and has no homework (thank god!)). Therefore, well... I don't really make zwu nor homework.
