Problems?

[james1654]

I have life problem. I forgot key to Draenor portal and orcs got stuck. When they'll come out somehow they'll rape me flat
[/b]

hehehe, that made me chuckle. Anywayz, if I get into a spot of trouble, in an alleyway; I will just use my scroll of town portal to escape. (or I might consider using the potion of invulnrability, or having a shaman bloodlust me, so that I can kick some ass )

 

[Fladian]

Well, this isn't really my problem, but it is something that might get something started... and I'd appreciate any words on it.

Look, there's this girl. Nice looking, pretty friendly, seventeen years old, and got her attention from guys all over the place. All fine and well, but her parents are extremely over protective about her. I don't think I really need to give any explanation about this, but it is also a fact that her parents are treating her like a little kid. Needless to say, she is sick of it, and really developed quite a 'unfriendly' relationship with her parents.

As if that wasn't enough, her nephew, a good friend of mine - and who introduced me to her - has since a short time, much contact with her. You see, there is a large distance between her nephew (and me, because I live on walking-distance from her nephew) and her, therefore, they didn't have much contact because they didn't see each other often. How old fashioned it may sound, that girl got her 'internet' only recently - well, just about a year now - so, the only other option to get contact was by phone, and to do that constantly: no. So for a year, they have had contact, and her nephew understood her bad relationship with her parents. As far as I learned, her nephew is trying everything to get her away from there. He quit school and took a job to get a 'house of his own' (apparently) so, she could leave her home. A touching thought if it wasn't the fact that her nephew is very overprotective about her as well - or so she told me, and I pretty much noticed it myself - and isn't too much different from her parents.
As if that isn't enough, her relationship with guys isn't really something to look up to either. Though that is something I don't know much details of, I do know that it ended up with her not trusting just about everyone. I am glad to hear that she trusts me though. Anyway, she doesn't 'like' a guy easily because of it easily either, but when it happened and either her parents or her nephew hear even a single word about it, she can forget it to see him, because of <insert a reason here>, they apparently always seem to think of something.

At this moment, she has a relationship with some guy. Quite rich, has his own (succesful) company and has children: two to be exact. She said he is nice to her, but pretty much ignores his children. When they met, he never said anything about his children, and lied about his age (I'm not sure how old he is, and what he said). That ticked her off, or so she said. Personally, of what I heard about this guy... well, I didn't get a good impression of him.
To make matters worse for her, she is (her words this time, though I like to use those too I'm really quoting ) 'pretty fond' on some other guy. Again, just like the other, unknown by her parents and nephew. Fact remains that I know about her relationship and for me, it is only logical that I know about the other one. Would this be told to the parents or nephew, it'd start with that she'd never hear the end of it, nor will they react in a 'happy way' and the over protectiveness will only increase. That is something that is for sure. To only make matters worse, the guy she has a "relationship" with, really would not be liked by any of them. The other one, well, I only know that her nephew would not be pleased with it

In reality, there is very little I can do, except comforting her whenever necessary and argue with her nephew about, whatever necessary.

If you want a question for the end, what is best to be done? Both by her, and for me. I'm very willing to help her, but I am not going as far as her nephew to quit school just to get her out of there.

 

[Raiju]

first Fladian, or you are one of her best friends so she can say something like "fondness for other guy" to you, or she got a crush on you

second, her nephew is kind of a maniac by what i read, i dont like incestuous relations, and the nephew might want to have one with her

third, i think you should keep this pace. comfort her, talk to her, make she feel like you were her "safe-port". but dont risk your life for her, it wont be worthy of, trust me

the best thing is to convince her to back with her parents (by clearing to them that she is no longer an innocent lil girl) OR to go after a job HERSELF, so she can solve HER life

this might sound rude, but in these situations the best thing to do is to advice the person and watch how the situation grows

 

[Fladian]

first Fladian, or you are one of her best friends so she can say something like "fondness for other guy" to you, or she got a crush on you[/b]

In all honestly, I prefer to give no comment on this. Let me just say that I am... more concerned about problems of others than the problems of my own.

second, her nephew is kind of a maniac by what i read, i dont like incestuous relations, and the nephew might want to have one with her[/b]

As far as I know, he has a girlfriend (again). I understand what he told me about being concerned about her, but I don't understand his overprotective combined with it.

third, i think you should keep this pace. comfort her, talk to her, make she feel like you were her "safe-port". but dont risk your life for her, it wont be worthy of, trust me[/b]

Not be worthy, you say. Perhaps not, but that is of my own concern. It would clearly depend on what my feelings towards that girl are.
But what you describe right now, that's what I am, or try to be.

the best thing is to convince her to back with her parents (by clearing to them that she is no longer an innocent lil girl) OR to go after a job HERSELF, so she can solve HER life[/b]

The problem remains, that that didn't work. Otherwise, the problem would have never occured.

this might sound rude, but in these situations the best thing to do is to advice the person and watch how the situation grows[/b]

True, but I don't feel like just sitting around and watching how the scenario unfolds.

 

[Raiju]

áya i didnt want to enter in your "feelings territory" man, dont get startled

True, but I don't feel like just sitting around and watching how the scenario unfolds.[/b]

then i feel i cant say anything for you mate, only that if in my place, i would only risk that a lot for a dear family member or a great friend. i personally think that girls are not worthy of such great concern

 

[Fladian]

áya i didnt want to enter in your "feelings territory" man, dont get startled[/b]

I'm not. Though do know that the subject of 'friends' is a subject I have a very short fuse.

i would only risk that a lot for a dear family member or a great friend. [/b]

I don't care much about my family. I am fond on my mother and brother, but I could care less about all others. I never had a good relationship with the rest of my family because of several reasons...

But even if I did had a good relationship with my family, I doubt I'd take such a risk for them as well. Would I have a(n official) girlfriend, then I'd probably wouldn't even hesitate to do the same as my friend did. Though in opposite of that friend of mine, I have an alternative, which I couldn't possibly offer to the girl I am talking about.

i personally think that girls are not worthy of such great concern[/b]

I am. That's why I offered the subject here in this thread because it could result in a possibly interesting discussions. Everyone knows that I'm a "sucker" when it comes to girls, but this is a completely different matter. Caring and loving are two different things, but I can easily say that I care for that girl and I wouldn't let her come to any harm, but that is easier said than done, because there is so little I can do as I said earlier.

Why would you think that "they are not worthy of such great concern" then?

 

[Undead_Lives]

I personally don't get involved with girls after I realized it would never work out with me. That's why I'm cold and anti-social (read my sig, you'll get it).
As for your problem Flad, you must leave people to live their lives on their own. If they do not experience things in their own way they will never grow up.

 

[Raiju]

Why would you think that "they are not worthy of such great concern" then?[/b]

i prefer not to talk too much about this in a forum, its too much personal. but since you already asked, in a short resume, women were made for pleasure. the only woman who deserves concern is/will be my wife.
And i dare to say that you dont plan to marry that early aint it Fladian?

you must leave people to live their lives on their own. If they do not experience things in their own way they will never grow up[/b]

pay attention to this, undead got a point in that

 

[Fladian]

I personally don't get involved with girls after I realized it would never work out with me. That's why I'm cold and anti-social (read my sig, you'll get it).[/b]

Though I tried to be so as well, I am not able to do it. I always seemed to react (slightly, to a lot) differently to girls, and usually tried to act somewhat nicer and sometimes even protective.
Realizing that it would "never work out" with the girl I am spending time with is already a fact for me. But even though I know nothing will happen, that doesn't say I don't want to spend time with her anymore.

As for your problem Flad, you must leave people to live their lives on their own. [/b]

Perhaps so, but like I said, I don't feel like standing around and watch the situation unfold. I don't want a good friend to throw (most of) his future away just for her. Even though I care for the girl, I don't want such big sacrifices to be made, especially not if I can do something about it.

But importantly, I am more concerned about problems and situations of others than those of my own.

If they do not experience things in their own way they will never grow up.[/b]

True. But this is not something about 'growing up', this is about deciding about your future.

i prefer not to talk too much about this in a forum, its too much personal. [/b]

Then don't, if you don't want to.

but since you already asked, in a short resume, women were made for pleasure. the only woman who deserves concern is/will be my wife.[/b]

I don't believe that, Raiju. "Made for pleasure" you say, no, that is something I don't believe and will deny to believe. How are they only made for pleasure?

So if any friend, who is a girl, will be nothing more than someone who is only there "for pleasure?"

I don't agree the slightest with what you said.

And i dare to say that you dont plan to marry that early aint it Fladian?[/b]

Hah! No, not really I don't even have a healthy relationship at the moment But that's... err... that exists out of multiple reasons I completely have influence on
I'm a little picky... and my personality has strange affects on people...

 

[Undead_Lives]

I also disagree with you Raiju, women are not just for pleasure.
And Flad, deciding about your future IS part of growing up. I personally would only step in when you know he/she is going the down wrong path and definitely if it is life threatening.

 

[Raiju]

So if any friend, who is a girl, will be nothing more than someone who is only there "for pleasure?"[/b]

in my mind, you only are a friend of a girl after you already had her, in my mind, i will never aproach a girl without second intentions. and female friends are just so they can throw their own cute friends into your arms. may shock some sentimentalists, but thats the way i live

I'm a little picky... and my personality has strange affects on people...[/b]

You bet it Fladian!

But importantly, I am more concerned about problems and situations of others than those of my own.[/b]

if you let me give you an advice, being althruist is good, but dont addict on it, otherwise youre going to neglect your own problems in prol of the others

 

[Fladian]

in my mind, you only are a friend of a girl after you already had her, in my mind, [/b]

Why would that be the case? Because you would understand her better than any other way?

i will never aproach a girl without second intentions. [/b]

Perhaps it may not look like it at first impression of me, but I don't do the same thing as you just said. Being just 'friends' is something I am more than happy with as well. Then again, I tend to have more (girl)friends than anything else (than guys).

and female friends are just so they can throw their own cute friends into your arms. may shock some sentimentalists, but thats the way i live[/b]

"That they throw their own cute friends into your arms", you say? No, that isn't what I am aiming at at all. Though it may be nice for a change, it is not something I am aiming for.
Though it is true that guys and girls have a different way of thinking (in a way), and that I probably enjoy the thought, or the view of a girl more than the one of a guy, despite being one myself. But that does not immediately mean that I'd have any second intentions when I hang out with a girl. Last year, I was placed in a class with 18 girls and no other guy. (Yeah, well, there was one other guy, but he quit school three weeks (or something close to it) after the year started) That's probably a reason why I think this way as well, but it is a fact that I can't recall that my thoughts have been influenced by that year.

Would you become friends with a random guy so he can introduce you to others as well? It would have the same meaning.

if you let me give you an advice, being althruist is good, but dont addict on it, otherwise youre going to neglect your own problems in prol of the others
[/b]

Too late, already am. People I care for are my first priority, and that priority is higher than my own health for all I care. Luckily, there aren't too many people I actually "care" for. If I'd place one priority higher than that, then it comes to the fact that I have a girlfriend, got married, or (don't be surprised) suddenly have a kid to care for. The advice may be good, but it is far too late for someone like me. I can't remember the moment I thought otherwise than I am thinking now about problems of my own, and problems of others.

And Flad, deciding about your future IS part of growing up. I personally would only step in when you know he/she is going the down wrong path and definitely if it is life threatening.
[/b]

That's what I am doing, in my opinion. That friend is throwing his future away for family. That I don't care about my family much is a fact, and it will probably have influence on my judgement, but why would he do so much (even that outside of his reach) for her when there is so little he can do? His intentions were renting a place of his own, and that way, getting her out of the situation she is in right now. Something I understand far too well, but how does he want to get her out of there.
There are too many things he didn't think about, and I did. Though deciding about his future is part of growing up, that is true, and I won't deny that, but I don't believe this is the right way of doing it. By stopping to study now is to guarantee an end to his future studies and the dreams he told me about not even too long ago.

Therefore, I feel so powerless.

 

[Undead_Lives]

Therefore, I feel so powerless.[/b]

Don't we all.

 

[Raiju]

Why would that be the case? Because you would understand her better than any other way?[/b]

Remember the " will never aproach a girl without second intentions"? i dont want any (girl) friends, unless they were already mine (exception for cousins, my mother and my sisters OF COURSE)

Perhaps it may not look like it at first impression of me, but I don't do the same thing as you just said. Being just 'friends' is something I am more than happy with as well. Then again, I tend to have more (girl)friends than anything else (than guys).[/b]

i will tell you something my dead grandfather told me: "Men are poligamic animals, it was that way in the beggining, and it will be until the end"

I probably enjoy the thought, or the view of a girl more than the one of a guy, despite being one myself.[/b]

i must say youre the 1 person i discuss this matter that doesnt thinks like me, i dunno if thats good or bad, but im liking the experience

Last year, I was placed in a class with 18 girls and no other guy.[/b]

Please dont tell me you didnt catch ANY of them? (or they were all ugly?)

Would you become friends with a random guy so he can introduce you to others as well? It would have the same meaning.[/b]

For you it may have this meaning, but for me it absolutely does NOT.

Too late, already am. People I care for are my first priority, and that priority is higher than my own health for all I care. Luckily, there aren't too many people I actually "care" for. If I'd place one priority higher than that, then it comes to the fact that I have a girlfriend, got married, or (don't be surprised) suddenly have a kid to care for. The advice may be good, but it is far too late for someone like me. I can't remember the moment I thought otherwise than I am thinking now about problems of my own, and problems of others.[/b]

Fladian, i believe you are less than 25, assuming that, you are still young enough to change these "bad habits". Life is harsh mate, the only reward you receive for being an althruist person is a goddamn good sensation, but if you are TOO MUCH althruist, ppl will start to face this as a weakness, and using another sentence of my late grandfather "Humans are impiedous creatures, never show your weakness, or they will stomp your wound with no mercy". Not to mention the fact that youwill neglect your own problems. Althruism is good, but in excess it may cause your own decay.

QUOTE
Therefore, I feel so powerless.

Don't we all.[/b]

A great universal truth, but part of "learning to live the life", is to know how to or either "pass around" the obstacles, or run through them. i prefer running through them

 

[Fladian]

Remember the " will never aproach a girl without second intentions"? i dont want any (girl) friends, unless they were already mine (exception for cousins, my mother and my sisters OF COURSE)[/b]

And why is that.

i will tell you something my dead grandfather told me: "Men are poligamic animals, it was that way in the beggining, and it will be until the end"[/b]

I don't agree with that either

i must say youre the 1 person i discuss this matter that doesnt thinks like me, i dunno if thats good or bad, but im liking the experience[/b]

Everyone has a different way of thinking.

Please dont tell me you didnt catch ANY of them? (or they were all ugly?)[/b]

I didn't "catch" any of them. But for multiple reasons. About those who I could do something about, already had a boyfriend and a healthy relationship - heck, one of them was engaged, and married nowadays - and I always said that I wouldn't touch anyone with a healthy relationship. That doesn't say I could be normal friends with them.
I hang out just as much with the girlfriends of friends of mine than backwards.
In opposite of you, I don't always have "second intentions" when I approach a girl. Clearly in opposite of you, I see them as normal humans.

For you it may have this meaning, but for me it absolutely does NOT. [/b]

Te\hen what is it?

Fladian, i believe you are less than 25, assuming that, you are still young enough to change these "bad habits". [/b]

I'm indeed younger than 25, but there are "bad habits" that I suffer with, except physical. On a little side note, I am heavily addicted to several (bad) movements with my arms and fingers, that will eventually result in something I don't even want to tell about Anyway, if I'm not able to do one of the things I just mentioned, I'll get aggressive/annoyed
So what I am trying to say: 'There is no "bad habit" to get rid of.' I remain happy with my care to other people. That I put them on a higher priority than myself is still my own choice and I have no intention of changing that.

Life is harsh mate, the only reward you receive for being an althruist person is a goddamn good sensation, but if you are TOO MUCH althruist, ppl will start to face this as a weakness, and using another sentence of my late grandfather "Humans are impiedous creatures, never show your weakness, or they will stomp your wound with no mercy". [/b]

True, but who says that I am all-caring about everyone? I already said, the only people I put higher than myself are the people I care for. Those are my best friends, my mother and my brother... and a few others.

Not to mention the fact that youwill neglect your own problems. Althruism is good, but in excess it may cause your own decay.[/b]

That is a price I am willing to pay.

A great universal truth, but part of "learning to live the life", is to know how to or either "pass around" the obstacles, or run through them. i prefer running through them
[/b]

Could be, but I have no intention of seeing the dreams of a friend fall in to pieces while I should be able to do something about it.

Crap, I'm late...